M.I.A my ass!!! So I go to the beautiful country of Mexico, the land of Tequila and migrant farm workers for a little R & R...Reefers and Reposada (aged tequila duh!) and realized my Vegas luck has followed me there. I’m walking the beach around midnight on my last night there (ya, ya I know “you shouldn’t walk the beaches after dark, blah, blah, blah) when I’m approached by these 2 cute little Mexican gaffers asking me if I want to make a little money....”HELLO, I’M THE TIPSTER...ABSOLUUUUTELY”.  So I follow them into the jungle to their quaint little tin house where I’m introduced to their Traficante de droga or Father (the Tipster speaks many languages including Mexican Spanish).

It seems all I need to do to make this extra cash is eat some Mexican fare without chewing....easy money, many o’ goldfish met their demise in the Tipster’s stomach during frosh week at the University of Sarnia. Out comes this tray of greasy Mexican sausage and a bottle of Tequila. Long story short, I finally down those 12 – 8 inch sausages and the Tequila and as I’m collecting my money this Father asks if once I land in Toronto and clear customs if I can take a birthday card to his brother Traficante de droga (Mexicans are all named the same, it’s like Smith) who lives in Scarborough for an extra $20 bucks. Now I wasn’t born yesterday but, $40 bucks to eat some sausage and $20 bucks to deliver a birthday card.............. cha-ching! The only thing that pissed me off was they could have offered me a ride back to the hotel but I figured the 12km walk would be good for me after a good meal and some “qui” (short for tequila, I should really be called the Hipster)

Get up the next morning, start to pack my bags and all of a sudden I’m not feeling so well. I get on the bus to the airport burping like crazy and all I can smell is Vaseline..wtf? As were driving to the airport I realized something very staggering...the circus must be in town cause all I saw was, pink elephants, green unicorns and I’m pretty sure I recognized Lucy in the sky.

So I wake up in what could best be described as a hospital a little nicer than Joe Brant, yes it WAS a shit hole, with Doctors and Cops all around me. I have a scar on my stomach from a$$hole to breakfast and these guys talking a mile a minute. I was really woozy but what I deciphered was this Traficante fellow wasn’t those kids father and apparently those sausage weren’t cooked properly and they had to remove them. It also seems I’m invited back in January as a guest of the policia (nailed it and I’m not even Spanish) where I will get to tour all the Government offices for free for my troubles... Nice caring people..let me tell ya.

Finally, I get back to Canada yesterday and seeing as I’m a man of my word, head to Scarborough to deliver this card to Traficante’s brother Traficante, and when I get to the row house it seems this poor fellow was tragically gunned down in a mistaken identity by Police who mistook him for a Mexican drug dealer....poor bastard!

TEAM RUB N TUG vs HOMERS
So look at Capt Chadbolt and the Homers, haven’t lost a game yet. Is it because they have scored the second most goals in the division??? NO, It’s because of goalie Robb Taylor or lack thereof. Taylor misses more games due to his work as a photog at emergency events and then the Commish always gives them a good goalie. What about Team Tug, sitting in the weeds in 3rd waiting to “pull out” and pass everyone into first. Speaking of Rub n Tug, 40 pesos in Mexico...just saying is all!
Capt Rub and the Tugs  4 - 1

INDIANA JONES vs FISH N CHIPS
So far Capt Mary is keeping her word on blending her team into shape, wait no sorry that was her teams drinks she was blending. Somehow the Raiders have 2 wins and the Maple Leafs have 4 wins. Give it time.....On paper this looks like a beating of epic proportions...Friday let’s call the Raiders - Rihanna and we’ll call the Chips – Chris Brown.
Chris Brown 6 – Ri Ri 2

BAD BRAKES vs Killer B (GEES)
So what did I miss whilst I was away. Well, the Brakes have lost arguably their best player in Paul Bozzo for the season from an injury suffered at the hands of the RubnTug and the team seems to be imploding because of it. The Koala Juice sisters playing hammered every night,arguing internally, goalies thinking their players, players needing to be goalies...oh wait, one of those has happened all year, you be the judge. Then there’s the Killer B’s and the shameless self promotion of their Captain on the league website. Nothing says going broke like a plea for business on a league website.
Train wreck of a game  5 - 5

STARS vs LEAFS
First their shameless self promotion and then the following week there is fantastic advertising. The difference is who gets mentioned in the article. The Willow Salon advertising blurb was concise and perfect not wishy washy. If you’ve never had your hair done at Willow Salon, just shave it off and go bald for the rest of your life. Think of YOUR happy place, you know, where cowboy midgets ride tricycles, your Gramma wins money at the slots and you get your beer served to you in a lounge chair by a buxom waitress in lingerie. This is how your hair feels when you leave Willow Salon...happy! The difference is who gets mentioned in the article. Willow Salon  93 King St W, Dundas, Ont. L9H 1V1 905 627 8880 ask for Kim....Kim Adams from Jake’s Womens League.
Leafs 5 – who are they playing 2

LOCK OF THE WEEK
LEAKY FAUCETS vs SNONAMI
Two things come to mind when I think of this game...First Ugly, ugly, ugly team colors and secondly both goalies must be Swiss to have that many holes. Maroon and light blue, this should be an episode of What not to wear. Somebody call Stacey and Clinton quick!
Snonami  4 - 1

Finally,
I would like to thank the Mundell’s for borrowing a company vehicle to pick me up in Mexico even though everyone else on the plane wasn’t thrilled with the detour from Beijing. It seems the Mexicans were worried about me leaving because of the “Canadian white stuff”???  hahaha It hasn’t even snowed in Canada yet, silly Mexicans! See ya in January

Damn, Willow Salon is good for your Hair!!

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Keep your stick NOT your ass on the ice

Tipster